Sometimes you just need a day where you sleep until noon, stay in your pyjamas all afternoon, read your new favourite book and watch bad tv. Not because you’re sick, feel physically bad or hungover, but just because you need a break from the world around you and the everyday chaos and demands.
You can’t change people around you but you can give yourself space and time to try to understand these people and their actions and by that understand your own feelings and actions.
“I had a long talk with my ex girlfriend and we are trying to work things out. I hope we can still be friends, and maybe have a beer together at the pub. Don’t be angry at me.”
And then I’m the bad one in this silly game in which I do not know the rules, because I said I wasn’t sure I could have that beer with him and maybe I was a little bit angry? What a big joke that is! Just like that I am supposed to not feel anything anymore? I am allowed to feel whatever I want, so don’t come hear and tell me differently just to ease your bad conscience.
It is all a game and I have been dealt the wrong cards – only hearts when it should have been clubs and spades!
So I am where I never thought I would be again! Feeling light headed but no cigarettes to blame because I quite those years ago, butterflies in my stomach but not because of weird adrenaline rush from putting my life at risk in a bungy or anything like that and dreaming new hopefull dreams.
I realised that if I wanna live a life with no regrets I need to do things I think I might regret instead of not doing anything at all… because I know I will surely regret that. I am thankful for being a fool and having the courage to once again letting myself feel what I feel.
Looking back at life and where it has taken me the last four years I still have no regrets. I know that life will treat me hard again but hopefully I will still have the strenght to take the beatings from life.
To once have lost and still have the courage to hope again and let yourself feel what you thought was impossible to feel again takes either a fool or great inner strenght. Pretty sure I’m the first but hoping I have a bit of the last too.